Some people come into our lives not because they need us, but because we need them.
Everyone we meet is a teacher. They may guide us through the storms in our lives, they may be the mirror reflecting the unhealthy attitudes and behaviours we need to let go of, they may shine their light on answers we’ve been looking for, or, they may bring us comfort when we need it most.
When we start to see each other this way (as teachers), perhaps we’ll hold more reverence for the roles we play in each other’s lives, and tread more softly on each other’s hearts.
Watch for the earth angels who arrive to help and guide you. You may not see their wings, but you’ll feel the compassion radiate from their hearts.
After 92 years of earthly life, Bud Hart was on the train to heaven, when he met Sunny an energetic little soul who after nine short years of earthly life, was also on the train.
“Wasn’t that the most exciting earthly adventure ever,” she asked, him.
“No, it was too hard. I hope they don’t send me back. They should give us a manual on how to be human.” he stated in a rather cold tone.
“Why would you need a manual?” she asked.
“To figure it all out,” he said.
She giggled. “But you don’t have to figure anything out. You were given everything you needed for this journey.”
“I most certainly was not!” He commanded.
She giggled again. “You silly soul. Everything you needed for your earthly journey was neatly tucked inside your heart. All you had to do was open it.
“How would I know that!”
“You feel it,” Sunny still giggling, replied.
She continued, “Sometimes pain, grief, anger, disappointment or stubbornness, are sitting on the heart making it heavy and hard to open. When we let those toxic emotions go, then, the heart will open. When it does, kindness, compassion, gratitude, love AND self-love flow effortlessly to us and from us and our earthly life can be enjoyed.”
“What if you can’t open your heart, what then smarty pants? Bud asked.
“If the weight is too much to bear alone, then others are sent to help you.”
Bud was taken aback by this little souls wisdom. He knew she was right. He had let years of anger, regret, resentment, pain, disappointment and ego centred thinking, weight him down, blocking his heart energy.
“How come you’re so wise, and why did your journey end at such a tender age.”
“I had the best life. My journey was exactly as long as it was supposed to be. During my nine years all I knew was kindness, compassion, gratitude, selflessness, and love. I let those things enter my heart and drown out all the pain.
My family, friends, health-care workers and even strangers, made my human experience extraordinary, they opened my heart for me. And, their hearts were opened at the same time.
Bud was moved by what she said and realized and regretted, how much time he had wasted.
Just then the train pulled into heavens station.
Some souls remained on the train as they were going back to complete their learning. Bud rose to exit. “Are you getting off the train? he asked Sunny. “No I’m going back,” she replied. “How come? “To watch over you.”
Beautiful friend, stop worrying. Trust that what you’re going through, will lead to something greater.
Our pain does not define us, it helps us grow. Don’t let the heartache, physical pain, disappointment, sorrow or grief, you might be feeling today, be your story. It’s only one page of a larger, more exciting adventure.
Scars are meant to leave us stronger. They are the badges we wear reminding us to keep moving forward, taking the lessons from our pain with us.
What hurt you yesterday, has already begun to heal today.
Don’t mock or walk upon the hearts of those who are soft, gentle, kind and attuned to the changing ethos of humanity. Be grateful they walk amongst us. They are the ones who care for those who can not care for themselves. They see where our world is broken and run to repair the fabric of a brittle planet and it’s fragile people. These gentle hearts, quietly and, without expectation, shelter us and keep us safe. Some see their compassion and empathy and see weakness. But my darlings, these are the ones who have the greatest strength. They carry the weight of our collective rigidity, and the pieces of our shattered world upon their shoulders, so others, don’t have to. They clear the path, then help us walk it.
Showing up for each other is easy. Sometimes, all we have to do is listen; not to judge, not to advise, not to jump in with our own commentary, but to listen, really listen, with the kindness and compassion of our whole heart.
Nothing hurts more than the lack of affection we give ourselves.
It’s not arrogant, big-headed or egotistical to like or even love yourself, in fact, it’s necessary.
If you seek love, look in the mirror, learn to appreciate, accept and love that reflection.
Treat yourself kindly, talk to yourself kindly. Nurture your body, mind and spirit with kindness, gratitude and acceptance.
We place far too many expectations on others to love us and make us happy. Your happiness is your job. My happiness is my job. When we learn to love ourselves, we have fewer expectations of others, and that’s liberating. Amongst 7 billion people on this planet, there’s no one like you. You’re a magnificent, unique, beautiful and mysterious masterpiece. Treat yourself like one. Love yourself like one.
Once upon a time there was a boy named Woo. Woo pondered the concept of “light.” He had heard terms such as: “He lit the way for others.” “She was a beckon of light.” “He lit up the room.” “She was glowing.”
Woo did not understand these terms. He only knew light as the warmth and glow radiating from the sun or the light from a candle.
He was perplexed has he contemplated how a person could be “light.” So, Woo asked his mother; “Mother, how does a man light the way for others.” “You will know when someone lights your path and leads you out of the darkness,” she replied.
He asked his grandfather; “Grandfather, how does a woman become a beckon of light?” “You will know when your mind is awakened and inspired by the wisdom and knowledge of your teachers,” replied his grandfather.
He asked the village healer; “How can a person glow or radiate light? The healer replied, “You will know when you observe a mother holding her child for the very first time.
All the replies Woo received were different. He still did not understand, so he wandered to the river to sit and contemplate what he’d been told.
Woo saw a disheveled, homeless man sitting next to the River. “Why do you live like this, alone and without a home?” Woo asked the man?
“What makes you think I’m alone and without a home?” ask the man. “The earth is my home. I’m surrounded by the beauty and light of the world, I’m not alone at all.
The response from the man surprised Woo. “What is the light of the world?” Woo asked.
The man replied “You will know when you witness the smallest act of kindness and your heart is touched. You will know when you no longer judge others for the way they look, think or live, but rather seek to accept and love those who share your path, because you understand we are all apart of a greater light.
“I don’t understand,” said Woo.
“Close your eyes and tell me what you hear?” asked the man. Woo closed his eyes and listened. “I hear the powerful rush of the river,” said Woo. “What created the river?” asked the man. “Many drops of rain falling from the sky.” Woo replied. “That’s correct,” said the man. “One raindrop can not force a river downstream but together the droplets are powerful.”
The man then asked Woo to look into the sky. Woo did as he was asked. “What do you see?” asked the man. “I see stars lighting up the sky,” said Woo. “That’s correct, said the man. “One star alone cannot light the sky, but many stars together with the moon can create a path that guides ships and weary sailors home.
“Now, touch the ground.” Woo placed his hands on the ground. “What do you feel? asked the man. “Many blades of grass,” said Woo. “That’s right,” said the man. “The ground is solid. It holds back the river and helps the river stay it’s course. All those tiny blades of grass with their roots intertwined, are a part of the solid foundation which guides the river to the sea where it meets other rivers and together they fill the Ocean.”
At that moment, “a light” went on in Woo’s head. “I think I understand!” Woo exclaimed. “Everything is connected. Each of us is like one small star, one droplet of rain or one blade of grass.“
“Yes,” said the man. “Each star, each rain drop, each blade of grass and each one of us shine, grow or flow in different directions. However, when we work together we create something stronger, brighter, better, and more powerful. We shine our light when we share our courage, strength, wisdom, acts kindness or love with others. We don’t all shine the same. But, we all shine.”
Woo now understood. “Thank you,” said Woo, for shining your light on my path.” “And, yours onto mine,” replied the man.
There are times we need to let go of material things as they create clutter, cause us stress and block us from moving forward.
Likewise, there are times we have to let go of people, as they also block our growth, cause us stress and hold us back.
During the course of our lives we’re in a constant state of growing out of one thing as we grow into another.
Our beliefs, feelings, plans, habits, clothing, homes, jobs and even friendships, can often feel like they no longer fit. If this sounds like you, then you’re doing what we’re all supposed to. Your growing.
As we age, have new experiences, acquire new wisdom and become exposed to new thinking and ideas, we outgrow parts of ourselves that no longer fit or serve us, we also outgrow the attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of some people. It’s okay.
This growth doesn’t mean you or they are bad people, it merely implies you’ve outgrown the things you once had in common and, you might now be blocking each other’s paths towards further growth.
I’m not the same person I was when I was 20, 30, 40 or 50. I’m not supposed to be. I’ve grown, so have you. So it makes sense that we might grow away from each other.
How do we know if we’re outgrowing certain people? Most of us feel it.
Conversations begin to feel awkward or forced, you might bicker more often over trivial things, you may no longer feel emotionally or intelligently connected or feel bored or disengaged when you do spend time together. The relationship might feel tight or constrained like those jeans you outgrew two decades ago but hang on to “just in case.”
When we do realize its time to say goodbye to a friend, lover, business partner, therapist, hairdresser or another person; we don’t have to be mean spirited or cast blame. Recognizing you no longer serve a higher purpose in each other’s lives is enough. Thank these souls for the shared memories, the lessons and their role in shaping who you’re becoming. Then, wish them well and move along.
Life can sometimes feel like meeting a stranger on an airplane. You spend several hours sitting next to one another. You enjoy each other’s company. You engage in interesting conversations, have a few laughs, you might share the arm rest, offer them half of your kit-kat or watch a movie together. You may even fall asleep on their shoulder and drool.
Then, when the plane lands you say good bye, head to different terminals, get on your respective connecting flight and move forward. It was a beautiful encounter, but your time together is over. Now you’re on different flights, traveling different paths.
We get this one big beautiful life. If we’re doing “it” right we’ll have many beautiful encounters, and, we’ll constantly be growing and outgrowing things, even each other.
Its all good, its normal, it’s life.
Toni O’KEEFFE ~🌹❤️
“Growing apart, doesn’t change the fact that for along time, we grew side-by-side, our roots will always be tangled, and for that I’m grateful.”
As a child, I grew up in a loud, hectic, sometimes frenzied Irish Catholic home, buzzing with family gatherings, birthday parties, activities related to my moms real estate business, the daily preparations required for my Dad’s restaurant, the screech of musical instruments being practiced, seven children running-playing-fighting, mom hollering out orders, lots of pets (including my sister Suzie’s pet rooster) cousins, aunts, uncles and friends constantly coming and going.
It was loud and it was busy.
Up until a few years ago, my adult life had also been a constant buzz of career busyness, multiple moves, volunteer work, my boys, their antics and extracurricular activities, house guests, exchange students, lots of pets and a busy social life.
For decades I craved alone time, it never arrived. Then, one day it did.
There I sat on the floor in my kitchen, living alone for the first time in over 40 years. And, I’d never felt so lost, so alone or so sad.
My children were grown, my eldest son had passed away, my marriage had ended, I was retired and had stepped away from community service to manage health issues.
Over the course of my life I had drawn my identity from the many hats, roles and responsibilities I had worn, and the busyness that kept my mind and life occupied.
After decades of being somebody’s sister, daughter, mother, wife, boss, employee, volunteer, now I was, well, I had no idea.
I was exhausted, probably depressed and didn’t feel emotionally able to reach out or connect with anyone, in fact, I didn’t want too.
My little spirit was spent, she needed to rest. She knew we had to turn inward, to feel the deepest sense of loneliness and loss before we could reimagine what our life should be. So, I surrendered. I listened, and let her guide me.
I cocooned myself for several month, slowing growing new wings and transforming the life I had lived over several decades, into something new, different and purposeful.
It was during my alone time that I learnt how to quiet the busyness in my mind and listen to the thoughts percolating in the deepest corners of my soul.
I was able to focus on my health, read a few books, took a lot of walks and did some amazing solo travel. I tapped into creative pursuits that had always been there, but hadn’t been exercised in along while.
Then, I began to remember who I was, I mean, who I really was. To my surprise I realized that I’m more of an introvert than I imagined. I came to recognize and appreciate some of the creative traits and habits I had inherited from my father. I understood what it must have been like for my mother when her career came to an end, her children had left the nest, her husband had passed away and she had to create new purpose and joy in her life. I developed a deeper sense of empathy and gratitude for both my parents.
Being alone taught me that my happiness and my joy is my job. We can not expect our partners or our children or anyone to be responsible for, or be, our only source of happiness. We must cultivate our own interests, hobbies and joy.
Being alone has power. Once we learn how to be alone and be happy, we can better recognize if our life choices are drawn from a place of happiness or loneliness.
My alone time is now something I look forward to. It’s during my alone time that I get to visit the best parts of myself and I remember what it is I’m here to do.
It is in this quiet space that I continue to lay down the stepping stones towards my own growth.
I’ve evolved my perception of loneliness over the past few years into an understanding that ~ Loneliness does not come from not having others around us, it comes from not knowing our purpose, our passions and ourselves.
Alone time, when we use it well, allows us time to think, to recharge, to be creative, to foster self reliance and helps us unearth our authentic selves. It also allows us to re-examine who we want in our lives and the types of relationships we want to cultivate.
I love the quote;
“Not all those who wander are lost”
~ from J.R.R. Tolkien’s poem “The Riddle of Strider”, this quote echoes my own belief that ~ When we wander alone ~ we find ourselves.
When embraced, being alone can be peaceful, healing and healthy. It’s an opportunity to find ourselves without the commentary and expectations of anyone else and, just BE.