Millions of single people (and people in unhappy relationships) are consumed with finding the perfect partner.
They scour dating sites and social media profiles, look across crowded rooms, join singles clubs or go to bars looking for “the one”.
In reality, I don’t believe this perfect partner exists. They “become”.
When two perfectly flawed, quirky people come together, they can BECOME perfect for each other if they accept each other as they are, trusting that together they can grow into better versions of themselves.
Human beings have a tendency to be judgmental and look at the messy flaws in each other before we look at the endearing and beautiful qualities we all possess. If you do this (assess the flaws) you’ll never find “the one” because we’re all messy little humans filled with flaws and cracks.
When we plant a seed or a bulb in the ground, it’s messy, it doesn’t grow over night. When planted in the right conditions and when it’s taken care of, the seed grows into exactly what it’s supposed to be. Relationships are the same, they don’t just happen. When planted in the right conditions and with the right care, they can flourish and grow.
*The right conditions implies there are no abuse, infidelity, addiction, moral differences or other serious issues that have to be addressed.
Everything ever created (even YOU) was messy in the beginning. An oak tree, a symphony, a work-of-art, a relationship, all require time to germinate and grow before they BECOME the masterpiece they’re destined to be.
So try looking for the one who is not perfect, but is authentic and possesses qualities such as kindness, respect, a sense of humour, someone who’s supportive, caring, playful and shares similar values.
Then cheer each other on, comfort each other when things don’t go according to plan. When you disagree don’t argue, communicate.
There is some irony in me writing this piece, as I’ve had, hmm a few relationships. They all provided me with insights about myself and human relationships. In particular;
- When was kind, loving, supportive and understanding with my partners, we both grew into better versions of ourselves.
- When I expected a partner to change a behaviour or change things about themselves (or they had these expectations of me) the relationship went sideways quickly.
- When one partner tries to stop the other from growing, the relationship also sours quickly.
- Relationships work when both partners commit to growing together and, support one another in growing as individuals.
She may not have the perfect body, he may not be perfectly groomed, you may not see eye-to-eye on a-lot of things and, you probably both have flaws, annoying little habits and imperfections. Don’t let that stop you. If the core building blocks of kindness, respect, honesty and trust are there, and you’re both committed to becoming better versions of yourself, together you can BECOME a masterpiece.
Treat your partner like the partner of your dreams, and, they just might BECOME exactly that.