Don’t mock or walk upon the hearts of those who are soft, gentle, kind and attuned to the changing ethos of humanity. Be grateful they walk amongst us. They are the ones who care for those who can not care for themselves. They see where our world is broken and run to repair the fabric of a brittle planet and it’s fragile people. These gentle hearts, quietly and, without expectation, shelter us and keep us safe. Some see their compassion and empathy and see weakness. But my darlings, these are the ones who have the greatest strength. They carry the weight of our collective rigidity, and the pieces of our shattered world upon their shoulders, so others, don’t have to. They clear the path, then help us walk it.
There are times we need to let go of material things as they create clutter, cause us stress and block us from moving forward.
Likewise, there are times we have to let go of people, as they also block our growth, cause us stress and hold us back.
During the course of our lives we’re in a constant state of growing out of one thing as we grow into another.
Our beliefs, feelings, plans, habits, clothing, homes, jobs and even friendships, can often feel like they no longer fit. If this sounds like you, then you’re doing what we’re all supposed to. Your growing.
As we age, have new experiences, acquire new wisdom and become exposed to new thinking and ideas, we outgrow parts of ourselves that no longer fit or serve us, we also outgrow the attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of some people. It’s okay.
This growth doesn’t mean you or they are bad people, it merely implies you’ve outgrown the things you once had in common and, you might now be blocking each other’s paths towards further growth.
I’m not the same person I was when I was 20, 30, 40 or 50. I’m not supposed to be. I’ve grown, so have you. So it makes sense that we might grow away from each other.
How do we know if we’re outgrowing certain people? Most of us feel it.
Conversations begin to feel awkward or forced, you might bicker more often over trivial things, you may no longer feel emotionally or intelligently connected or feel bored or disengaged when you do spend time together. The relationship might feel tight or constrained like those jeans you outgrew two decades ago but hang on to “just in case.”
When we do realize its time to say goodbye to a friend, lover, business partner, therapist, hairdresser or another person; we don’t have to be mean spirited or cast blame. Recognizing you no longer serve a higher purpose in each other’s lives is enough. Thank these souls for the shared memories, the lessons and their role in shaping who you’re becoming. Then, wish them well and move along.
Life can sometimes feel like meeting a stranger on an airplane. You spend several hours sitting next to one another. You enjoy each other’s company. You engage in interesting conversations, have a few laughs, you might share the arm rest, offer them half of your kit-kat or watch a movie together. You may even fall asleep on their shoulder and drool.
Then, when the plane lands you say good bye, head to different terminals, get on your respective connecting flight and move forward. It was a beautiful encounter, but your time together is over. Now you’re on different flights, traveling different paths.
We get this one big beautiful life. If we’re doing “it” right we’ll have many beautiful encounters, and, we’ll constantly be growing and outgrowing things, even each other.
Its all good, its normal, it’s life.
Toni O’KEEFFE ~🌹❤️
“Growing apart, doesn’t change the fact that for along time, we grew side-by-side, our roots will always be tangled, and for that I’m grateful.”
You’re allowed to stop, to rest, to reflect, and catch your breath. Go find your sanctuary amongst the trees, under the stars, next to the lull of moving water or in a field of wild flowers or tall soft grass. Somewhere tranquil, uncluttered, and away from the noise, where you can surrender to the sound of your soul whispering all that she wants you to know. You’re allowed to step away from everything that ails you and everything and everyone that demands something from you. You don’t have to explain why, you may not even know why. Give yourself permission to take a break from all of it and drown yourself in peace. It’s in this peacefulness that the answers will come.
I’ve often wondered why certain people have come into my life, or why I stepped into theirs. Some have turned my world upset down leaving me to clean up the rubble and put the piece of my shattered self back together. Others made my think, made me laugh, made me shake my head, inspired me or loved me just enough and then they were gone. I have come to understand and appreciate that sometimes we’re meant to step into someone’s life for barely a moment. Just long enough to leave a small imprint and change each other in ways we might never know. We walk together from one place and time to another, and then, head to separate shores, knowing with great clarity that we’re profoundly different, although not quite sure how. Be grateful for everyone that comes in and out of your life. Wish them peace, happiness and love. Each of these beautiful souls brought you something magnificent, even if it was painful. They helped shape you into who you are. And who you are, is wonderful.
Thank you for stepping into my world, if only for a moment.
As we age, why do we feel an urge to look back to our youth, to host reunions and reconnect? Is it because we have an innate desire to return to our original social tribes, the tribes that marked us and shaped who we became?
If you and I grew up in the same neighborhood, walked to school together clutching metal lunch buckets, rode our bikes around the same block, played on swings and metal teeter-totters, ran around kicking-the-can in my front yard or shouting “Red Rover” in yours, talked about our childhood crushes at sleepovers, or met up at girl guides, scouts, band, drama rehearsals, community sports, or at the swimming pool or roller-rink, we share a special tribal bond that can never be broken.
Our childhood experiences, whether good or bad, are the foundation on which the rest of our lives are built. We share a profound social history and connection with the neighborhood friends, classmates and cousins we grew up with.
Outside our immediate families, our childhood connections were our first experiences in the outside world. As we were growing up together we were also exploring the world, building relationships, and learning about ourselves through one another. Chances are you were with the people from your youth when you shared your first kiss, had your first beer, attended your first concert, smoked your first cigarette(or joint), felt your first heartache, endured your first body piercing (maybe by me in the girls washroom at school) or drove your first car. These are big events in the life of a young person.
Our childhood friends were the ones we turned to when our lives were in chaos. Whether that chaos resulted from unstable home environments, world events, our own personal struggles or when we had to cope with the loss of a loved one for the first time, we relied on each other to pull through.
Often people that go through traumatic events together, such as a plane crash, are bonded for life. This bond is sealed by the deep emotional experience they have shared. Going through childhood and youth is similar. In our youth we go through a series of significant emotional events usually with our childhood friends and classmates. These shared experiences can seal the connections between us forever.
It is these deeply rooted ties that drive us to seek reunions and reminisce. These reunions allow us to travel back in time, to perhaps see things in a new light and with new wisdom.
Whether you were an all star sports hero, a bully or you were bullied, revisiting these times can allow us to heal, allow us to reflect on how far we’ve come, allow us an opportunity to gain perspective and be grateful for the people and things we didn’t give thanks for back in the day, or apologize to those we hurt.
For those from my era, we grew up in a time when; we knew the people in our neighborhoods. We could safely play hockey or jacks in the middle of the road, hung out at the park from dawn till dusk and played unsupervised in the creek all summer long. We rode our bikes everywhere (without helmets) often with someone on the handle bars. Penny candy was “a thing” and we paid for it with bottles we found as we rummaged in dirty ditches. We were not tied to our phones, but fought over the one phone that hung on the kitchen wall. We passed paper notes back and forth in class and if we missed the school bus we walked home as there were no helicopter parents to swoop in and pick us up.
Compared to a child born today, we lived an unencumbered youth, free to roam and led by our curious nature, youthful energy and each other.
Then, the day arrived when we stood at the doorway to adulthood, stepped over the threshold, and we scattered, taking bits and pieces of each other with us.
As adults our lives got busy building families, building careers, building new communities and new tribes. But always hanging on to those bits of pieces of our youth.
Now as many of us head into retirement we have time to reflect on the bonds we built early in our lives. Our desire to pull out those bits and pieces and revisit our childhood tribe is normal, healthy and can bring about great healing and comfort because only we know what it was like to grow up the way we did and that truth connects us.
To those from my childhood, we’ve come along way together even during the years we were apart. I’m glad you’ve been a part of my story and my Tribe, and that’s the ties that bind us.